Transtangents
by Psyke-Ward
Summary: Just some rambling pesterlogs I wrote up. Everyone is trans no one is cis


ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 6:00

EB: dave

EB: hey dave

EB: wake up

EB: it's the first day of schoooooooool

EB: :)

TG: oh my fucking god egbert

TG: leave me alone

TG: its not time to wake up yet

TG: its like trying to induce labor

TG: it just shouldnt be done man

TG: should

TG: not

TG: be

TG: done

TG: i will come out kicking and fucking screaming i swear

TG: i will be the noisiest baby that ever existed

TG: my stoic demeanor will ollie the fuck outty

TG: it will do an aquatic flip off the fucking handle

TG: it will not only flip

TG: it will majestically pirouette

TG: and land with a grace you cant even fathom

TG: so help me egbutt

EB: dave

EB: dave

EB: dave

EB: david

EB: daaaaaaaaaaavid

TG: you are not quoting snl at me right now

TG: tell me you arent

TG: please tell me you arent trying to be will ferrell

TG: its too painful

TG: too early

TG: i think id rather have nic cage thrown at me

TG: literally thrown at me

TG: bring it on nic cage

TG: hes what

TG: 150 pounds tops

TG: ok maybe a little more than that

TG: hes pretty muscular

TG: actually hot damn hes a buff dude

TG: i just googled him

TG: terrible mullet by the way

TG: anyway

TG: hes like

TG: 180 to 200

TG: at the most

TG: i can handle it bro come at me

EB: don't wake

EB: the snake

EB: *hissing*

TG: dayman

TG: aaaaaaaa

TG: fighter of the nightman

TG: aaaaaaaaa

TG: champion of the sun

TG: aaaaaaaa

TG: master of karate and friendship for everyone

TG: i dont even know if i got that right

TG: its been six thousand years since i watched its always sunny

TG: but while im quoting the fucking brilliance of charlie day

TG: "how long have i been standing here"

TG: "im actually tripping pretty hard right now"

TG: "i ate some of your pill thingies"

TG: "call me newt only my mom calls me doctor"

TG: "i cant go back to jail"

TG: and exeunt

EB: wait

EB: back up

EB: who the fuck is charlie day?

TG: are you fucking kidding me

TG: how have we been friends this long

TG: without you knowing

TG: who charlie day is

TG: hes in one of your favorite movies for gods sake

TG: and no before you ask

TG: it isnt con air

TG: we saw it in theatres a couple weeks back

EB: the...lego movie?

EB: who the hell did he play in the lego movie?

TG: 1980-something space dude

TG: aka benny

TG: you know

TG: "spaceship"

EB: noted.

EB: but how did we go from will ferrell and *hissing* to charlie day?

TG: can i just explain at school

TG: its too early to explain the intricasies of my humor

EB: dave come on, i just need someone to talk me through the morning

EB: i can't handle another birthday cake for no reason

EB: and all these fucking clowns

EB: whose dad even does that

EB: am i the only one on earth who has a terrible dad

TG: come on dude your dad isnt terrible

EB: i know i felt bad as soon as i sent it

EB: but anyway

EB: it's time for school and i need your expert style advice

EB: because i

EB: am

EB: hopeless

TG: hell fuckin yeah you are

TG: youre lucky you have an expert like me as a friend

TG: but can i do this later i still have like an hour to sleep

TG: ill send you an outfit pic or something

EB: ok ok fine

EB: but you have to explain to me on the bus so i'm not lost, bro

EB: have fun with your little nap

EB: :B

turntechGodhead [TG] sent " "

turntechGodhead ceased pestering ectoBiologist at 6:30

Dave sighed and pressed the lock button on the top of their iPhone, hand falling to meet the mattress limply. They were out in seconds, but all too soon their phone alarm was blaring The Decemberists into their ear, making them breathe in deeply but otherwise showing no outward signs of even having heard it. Slowly, they sat up, reaching onto the nightstand for their shades; only after they were securely slipped onto their nose did they stand and open the blinds, letting the harsh morning light in.

Where had the summer gone? Just yesterday it seemed they and their friends were dashing out of the school, celebrating the fact that the groups' freshman year was over. They remembered distinctly, because Rose had worn a dark outfit like always and got pissed when chocolate sauce spilled onto the front. Dave remembered sitting next to Jade on the beach, wanting to hold her hand but being afraid to. She had worn a long skirt like usual, but opted for a tanktop that showed off her dark muscles beautifully. Her eyes had been drawn and tired, but containing a spark in the green orbs that made Dave's heart thump and skip a beat.

They shook their head, clearing it of the memories so they could get dressed. Mentally preparing themself, they chose something simple; a red t-shirt (plain) and black skinny jeans. Within five minutes they were ready and headed to the bus stop, not understanding why John always felt the need to wake up an entire hour before he needed to. They both went to the same bus stop, and Dave could get ready within five minutes.

But John was difficult like that, they guessed.

"Hey! Dave!"

Speaking of. They walked toward John at the same pace they'd had before, not wanting to rush. The morning was a tender being, and needed to be treated with respect and trepidation, lest the very fabric of the universe be torn open. They stood next to John and nodded as a greeting.

John was absolutely buzzing, chattering in Dave's ear incessantly, but thankfully not too loudly. He towered over Dave at a jealousy-inducing 5'8", as compared to Dave's 5'2". Rather than the burnt sienna of Dave's skin, John's was a deep, deep coffee color. There was never a time during the year that John wasn't dark, not even in winter, when the skin tones dimmed severely.

"...anyway, what's your schedule, bro?"

"Huh?"

"Come ON, Dave, I know it's early but keep up!" John gave Dave a playful shove, smiling and showing off his two buck teeth in the front. Dave ran a hand through their hair and sighed in pretend irritance, which John saw through immediately. "What. Is. Your. Schedule." He pronounced it like "sheejule".

"Uuuuuh..." Dave reached into their back pocket, unfolding the piece of paper that had the eight classes they'd be taking this semester printed on it. They tried to glance over the text that said "Sex: Male" and looked immediately at the teachers, rooms, anything but that black line of sharpened calligraphy lies. "Study hall; Intro 3D art; English 10; Spanish II; World History; Chemistry; and Geometry."

"Well fuck bro," John said, sounding crestfallen. Dave gestured for John to cough up his schedule.

_AP European History_

_Intro 3D art_

_Bio II_

_Honors English 10_

_Spanish II_

_Health_

_Geometry_

"We have two classes together, bruh," Dave said, handing the sheet back, "cheer up."

"Last year we had almost all of them together!"

"Cry harder-" They were interrupted as their phone pinged. They clicked the screen and their heart jumped as they saw Jade's name pop up.

gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 7:40

GG: hey dave! :B

GG: how are you this wonderful morning

TG: im doing absolutely fantastic my dear friend

TG: the sun is shining my sockets are burning

TG: and im ready to fucking party

GG: aw! im sorry dave :(

GG: ill buy you the greatest pair of shades ever and your eyes wont have to suffer anymore

GG: because you are my friend

GG: and you deserve it

GG: 3

TG: 3

TG: thanks babe

TG: you just totes brightened my day to levels that would thaw even the hardest hearts

TG: you know

TG: like

TG: even dirks heart

TG: the fucking hardass

TG: always hiding behind his shades

TG: you know if hes a junior

TG: and he drives himself to school

TG: why cant he just give his bro a lift

TG: would that be too difficult

GG: um...dave?

GG: you know he meets his boyfriend every morning before school right?

GG: think about it

TG: oh my fucking god

TG: hes

TG: hes actually

TG: hes doing that

TG: every morning

TG: i thought he was bullshitting me when he told me he wasnt a virgin

TG: i just threw up a little

GG: im sorry dave

GG: i didnt mean to make you sick

GG: on the bright side ill be able to drive in about two weeks :)

GG: we can all carpool

GG: by the way

GG: see you in about thirty seconds ;)

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 7:45


End file.
